People always ask me after my latest interview, “how did it go?” I used to dive into all of the tiniest details as to why I felt I was a success, but this has become more than difficult to answer because 1) if it did go well on my side does not mean “they” will agree and 2) because I normally think I could have done better. My latest interviews have been the hardest by far, mostly because my confidence is wavering, and the worst part is, they know it.
I’m very confident that I will be able to do a good job, no ultimately a great job! Passion is not something that everyone has. But for some reason every time I interviewed with this group, I couldn’t seem to relax. Honestly I have never been so giddy, and airheaded sounding. It’s worse that the time I talked with actor and teen heart throb, Jonathan Brandis (yeah the actor from the 90’s who was in such great movies as Ladybugs and the hit series SeaQuest DSV) on the telephone and I literally forgot how to speak! I feel like when I actually could calm down enough to answer one question, the next question would make me even more nervous. It was worse than waiting for Christmas morning sitting in your room knowing there are tons of presents but your parents say, “okay you can’t wake us until 7:00,” and you are 7 years old, and it’s 5:30 am! So as I usually tell those whom ask me for advice, or don’t ask but lucky for them I’m willing to give it to them anyway, I had to take a step back and figure out what is going on.
First, I’m wearing a suit. I am not a suit girl. Can I wear one, yes of course, but do I feel 100% myself, no. So to try and help with my comfort level, and I decided to wear a sweater vest with my suit (yes I know that some fashion disaster show is looking up my address as you read this, so I won’t tell you what shoes I wore), more my style, but still maybe it was the stockings or the skirt, I was not myself. Second, for the life of me I can’t seem to find parking in that area. No matter how early I leave, meters are broken, I get lost, or there aren’t any spots. In this past case, all of the above happened, which started me out frazzled from running 3 blocks to the interview and up a flight of stairs!
Third, once I start to giggle, chances are I can’t stop. It’s like a nervous twitch, which honestly can become annoying after an hour, even to me and I’m the giggler. So why is my confidence at an arm’s length when the last job I interviewed where the gentleman told me I wasn’t an ideal candidate I was strong, passionate, and articulate, really I even used big words to show him how wrong he was, with no nervous giggle.
I really want this job. It is so simple, and aggravating. I am a nervous, giggling, talk too much mess, because when I think about my life with this job in it, it literally makes my eyes well with tears of joy. There are few people that are lucky enough to actually do what they want to do. And I am in the running, the closest I have ever been to my goal, and the only person who is going to stop me from getting this job is me.
I consider myself an optimist, and when I first began to interview I was so excited I thought, “how could I not get this job?!” Now I seem to prepare myself to not get the job, and it shows. I over analyze every word that is spoken to me as a hint of a rejection, and the truth is they picked my resume, they talked to me on the phone, called me in for not one, but two interviews! I read on a website that if you make it to the second interview you should be proud, and I am, but for me, being an overachiever, I realized that isn’t enough for me this time. This isn’t a job, this is a career! This is a dream within reach. I don’t want to just be the runner up or the fall back plan, but the choice is out of my hands. But don’t feel helpless interviewee’s, because we have more control than we realize. Just don’t miss opportunities, and I sure hope I have not missed mine.
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