Housewife of New Jersey

There are some days when it is relaxing to be able to say I’m a housewife, as I take my time in the supermarket dead set on only buying organic (which let me tell you, what a serious time investment and with depressing outcomes in all things cookie). It’s always nice because people look at my husband like he must be doing so well, and it makes me smile to know he can handle the fact that truly I am an unemployed with a disguise. But when we get home it’s hard to remember that as a “housewife” there are duties, and there has began a divide into something I don’t feel should still exist in the year 2010.

So after spending hours cooking and cleaning up as I go, there are usually one or two pots left to wash, and of course whatever we used to eat it in. Months ago my husband would jump up and say, “you cooked I clean,” but now it’s more like a gesture as he hands me his plate to take in the kitchen, since I’m already on my way of course. Then an hour later he will say, “oh I was going to do that,” when all of the dishes are done. I mean, this is my fault. I would say, “no, you worked all day, relax!” But now when I even ask for him to take out the trash he looks at me and says, “right now?” Although to clarify, he never wanted to take out the trash!

Part of me feels like, he pays the bills, he never pushes me or blames me for not working, why not take out the trash myself? Well let me tell you why I will not be taking out the trash today. I vacuum, wash the floors, dust, clean up after the cats, do the shopping, cook the food, clean up the dishes, fold the laundry (which I would like to say we almost always do together, but somehow I get stuck with the “harder” folding), and generally try to keep the apartment in some sort of neat. I’m not taking out the trash! It’s the only thing I ask him to do that is physical labor anymore.

Sure, I ask him to call the landlord when something is broken, can you believe she responds better to him? And yes, I do ask, what are we doing this weekend, when will you be home, what are we doing for thanksgiving, am I really sitting here all day while you work from home on a Saturday?! I can be a bit of a nag, because I get about an hour of his time every day, and it’s never undivided. So recently my husband made a comment about how I was a housewife, and it bothered me. Sure I say it to people all of the time, but it bothered me that he thought of me that way. He assumes I should do all of this, because that is my “job” and I was hurt.

Here I was thinking that he appreciated what I did because we pick up the slack for each other when it is needed. Like when I was in school and had so much work he would vacuum when I was so OCD about getting all my work done that I would focus on the cat hair on the carpet and lose my concentration. I feel as though I have assumed the role of “housewife” to help and pick up the slack because I can. I’m scared that when I get a job he is still going to expect me to clean up and not contribute because he will always be the bread winner. And one of things I prided our relationship on was our equality. I know he will read this, and some will make him winze, some he will say I got all wrong, and other things he might laugh at how dramatic I am, but don’t forget, I was a social science major, I’m always thinking about everything you do more than you know!