Thursday, September 9, 2010

Identity Crisis

Being unemployed at first has to have been one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with, because ultimately it was not my choice. I say ultimately because I had hoped that after graduating I would be on my way to a great career doing something that I loved. Our careers and jobs become a part of our identity, so when I was a fulltime student people could relate that to being a part of my identity at that time. But, now when people ask me what I do, and I have no answer, it is as if I am not a whole person to them anymore.

When coming back from my honeymoon, on re-entry into the country I was asked for my profession. My reply was, “none,” and as the man from immigration looked up at me for a brief second and said, “housewife,” and then skipped to my husband where they began to talk about his career. At that moment it was as if a relief had washed over me. I was no longer a “none” and I did have a title. But within a day I realized that this title was nothing short of ridiculous for me. First we have an apartment, and yes I do most of the cleaning and running of errands, but mostly that’s because of guilt. How can I make him do anything when I can’t pay the bills? We have two cats, no children, and being a housewife was not a choice, it was bestowed upon me by a person who works for the government because I was married just a week before and had to re-enter the country.

After so many months of applying for jobs and hearing back from few, and getting interviews from fewer, I decided I needed to do something for me so that I did not let not having a job control my identity. That is when I decided to write. I am sure that professional writers everywhere are cringing at the thought that I now think of myself as a writer, but don’t worry I don’t think of myself as a professional…yet. I hope and aspire, but now I have a reason to get up and push through my day. That’s why I am writing this, to hopefully inspire others, not necessarily to be a writer, but to do something, try something, aim higher than just to get a job.

There are good days and bad days, but everyday that I feel like I decided what I did and not that I am at the whim of someone else judging me is a day that I did not let pass me by…

1 comment:

  1. i would have been so insulted if someone just jotted down housewife and moved on! but i am not you. i'm so excited about your blog, and your writing in general! <3!!

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