Baby making blues

For as long as I can remember people have always told me I would be a good mother. This was something that was always mind boggling to me because I never thought I showed much enthusiasm in front of children. If anything I thought I was even toned, and not too exciting. But there must be something about that which children like and their parents like more. You aren’t trying to be their parent, and you aren’t trying to get them to love you more, you are just treating them with an even level of attention and actually listening to what they say. Or it could just be my hit pitched voice that all children and animals seem to respond to, who really knows?

So when I thought in my mid-twenties that children would never be in my future I decided to tell my parents. They were shocked, and said what everyone always said, “you would be a great mother,” which I found ironic being that I was not considered the best child. Maybe they wanted me to suffer as they felt they had with me. But no, they were honestly concerned with the fact that I may never be a mother.

A little over two years ago now, I went back to college to finish my BA. My boyfriend at the time, and my husband now, told me this would put a hold on family. At the time I was probably 5% interested in having a baby. Well, 2 years later and 4 nieces and a nephew, and so many friends with their little bundles of joy here or on the way, has put a different spin on things. But just because you want something doesn’t mean you can always have it. Sure I am home so I can take care of a baby, but the resources are stretched out real thin with one person having to take on the financial burden of two adults and one with student loans totaling as much as a BMW M6 (nice car by the way).

Living in my fantasy world that everything always works out, I assumed I was going to get an amazing job making six figures and have all of my debts paid off in 2 years, if we buckled down. But, with no job in sight what’s a girl to do? So I picked up a hobby and began to write a book. I have been working on this book for only a few weeks longer than I have this blog.  So my next part in this “process”, if you can believe this, is editing my first draft of 21 chapters, and starting to look for an agent. Why not? Who knows?  I might not be working for The New York Times, and I may not be much of a writer, after all I’m no Justin Bieber, but the stories speak for themselves. Watch out Stephen Colbert you will be interviewing me…