A gift is a gift...or is it?

Is it still a gift if you don’t pay for it? I mean, they say that a gift comes from the heart, so if I were to think of the gift, physically purchase the gift, wrap the gift, and give the gift, is it from me? When you don’t have an income questions like these begin to haunt you. They haunt you, because you never had to ask them before. You knew if you went out and purchased the gift with the money that you had earned from your pay check, you have obviously given that gift. But when you are using someone else’s money, somehow you question the authentic nature that is a gift.

So, if it is the thought that counts then I should be able to tell you what I wanted to get you and that should be enough…right? Honestly there have been many times in the last year that I wanted to get something for my husband, and I say to him, “I wanted to get you tickets to (fill in the blank with the coolest event you can think of), I’m sorry.” I’m lucky because he is happy that I even thought to buy him something, even that I knew he would have liked to have done (coolest event ever - place here). But others are not as forgiving.

In the case of all of my nieces it breaks my heart to know that we are limited because of our “financial situation” to a budget. When it’s a birthday for a friend or a special occasion such as a wedding, we pull together resources from other regions of the budget because, well that’s what you do. But when it comes to us, there is no Christmas, and birthdays are days to spend together, not days to open the perfect gift.

But back to the original question, is a gift from me if I did not pay for it? Am I entitled to feel the joy of giving, “the perfect gift,” when without him giving me the money that gift would never had occurred? I tell myself we are a team, and yes I am still able to feel as excited. But I think this is one of the more trying parts of unemployment, because I want nothing more than to be able to buy a gift and feel like it was all me.