Housewife of New Jersey

There are some days when it is relaxing to be able to say I’m a housewife, as I take my time in the supermarket dead set on only buying organic (which let me tell you, what a serious time investment and with depressing outcomes in all things cookie). It’s always nice because people look at my husband like he must be doing so well, and it makes me smile to know he can handle the fact that truly I am an unemployed with a disguise. But when we get home it’s hard to remember that as a “housewife” there are duties, and there has began a divide into something I don’t feel should still exist in the year 2010.

So after spending hours cooking and cleaning up as I go, there are usually one or two pots left to wash, and of course whatever we used to eat it in. Months ago my husband would jump up and say, “you cooked I clean,” but now it’s more like a gesture as he hands me his plate to take in the kitchen, since I’m already on my way of course. Then an hour later he will say, “oh I was going to do that,” when all of the dishes are done. I mean, this is my fault. I would say, “no, you worked all day, relax!” But now when I even ask for him to take out the trash he looks at me and says, “right now?” Although to clarify, he never wanted to take out the trash!

Part of me feels like, he pays the bills, he never pushes me or blames me for not working, why not take out the trash myself? Well let me tell you why I will not be taking out the trash today. I vacuum, wash the floors, dust, clean up after the cats, do the shopping, cook the food, clean up the dishes, fold the laundry (which I would like to say we almost always do together, but somehow I get stuck with the “harder” folding), and generally try to keep the apartment in some sort of neat. I’m not taking out the trash! It’s the only thing I ask him to do that is physical labor anymore.

Sure, I ask him to call the landlord when something is broken, can you believe she responds better to him? And yes, I do ask, what are we doing this weekend, when will you be home, what are we doing for thanksgiving, am I really sitting here all day while you work from home on a Saturday?! I can be a bit of a nag, because I get about an hour of his time every day, and it’s never undivided. So recently my husband made a comment about how I was a housewife, and it bothered me. Sure I say it to people all of the time, but it bothered me that he thought of me that way. He assumes I should do all of this, because that is my “job” and I was hurt.

Here I was thinking that he appreciated what I did because we pick up the slack for each other when it is needed. Like when I was in school and had so much work he would vacuum when I was so OCD about getting all my work done that I would focus on the cat hair on the carpet and lose my concentration. I feel as though I have assumed the role of “housewife” to help and pick up the slack because I can. I’m scared that when I get a job he is still going to expect me to clean up and not contribute because he will always be the bread winner. And one of things I prided our relationship on was our equality. I know he will read this, and some will make him winze, some he will say I got all wrong, and other things he might laugh at how dramatic I am, but don’t forget, I was a social science major, I’m always thinking about everything you do more than you know!     

The waiting game

Being unemployed and actively seeking employment is a lot of waiting. You become patient in ways that you never quite thought that you could be. Maybe because you don’t have a choice, while for others, you are driven to the brink of near insanity. Memorizing all of the answers to Trivia Pursuit in hopes that one day you can crush your friends or family being the smartest person in the room, possibly the world as far as they know! Although I haven’t gotten to that point yet, I have gotten to the point of researcher extraordinaire.

We always say, “if only I had the time,” and since I don’t have the money, I have been investing my energies in research I can do with my time. So far I have written a book, developed a blog, began “social networking domination” minus the domination part, read all of the books I had been putting off while I was in school, took day trips to areas I had never been before in search of local and regional art, began book number two, and so many other little things that we never get to do enough of. Every day that I get to sleep in, I consider it a victory for all the others in the world who wish they could sleep in. I want to let them all know, just like a true Olympian, I'm not doing this just for myself, but for all of you too!

Until looking for a job this time in my life, I would only apply to one job at a time. I was always afraid that more than one job would want to hire me, and then I would have to make a choice. Plus I feel it is important to give my undivided attention to said job. Well, with this market, it has been my rule to try to apply to at least one job a day, which was something I was doing for months. This was not my idea, but when I told my husband I was applying and waiting, he explained that having choices was not such a bad idea. I have to admit I have been slacking. Something about how busy I have been with actual interviews has helped to discourse me, but also the fact that I feel like I applied for all of those jobs already.

So here is where the patience comes into play. Just as a fisherman waiting for the catch of the day, at times you need to wait. Take the time to invest your energies in things that you would not have time to do if you were working 40-50 hours a week. But you have no money you say? Who needs money to go for walk and look at the amazing leaves changing? Who needs money to go to the library? Who needs money to sleep in? Sure we all need money for the basic necessities. In some cases more than just the basics, such as the lovely people who provided me with student loans, they are sweet enough to take their payment direct from my account if I wanted, even though I kindly reminded them you needed an income for them to take the money, but they have faith I could find it…how sweet!

Just enjoy that there is a today, and while other people are so busy hating their jobs, hating how they can never sleep past 7:00 am, wishing they could stay in their pj’s all day, I smile at it. When I read on facebook all of the people who complain about their jobs I just smile, sometimes I laugh, but never do I disregard that fact that they get the opportunity to hate their job. I used to read those posts and think to myself, “well I sure wish I had a job to hate,” and wonder how anyone could complain when they were lucky enough to have a job and so many of us out there didn’t! But as time went on I began to think, “I better appreciate the time I have to do what I can, because so many others wish they could have this.” Of course in their dream scenario money still magically appears. So sometimes waiting is good, yes it can be painful, but I enjoy every day for what it is, because you never know when your life could totally change again, and I could join the ranks of worker bee once again.